The first relationship of my life but still we had many turbulence because I wore glares on my eyes which saw everything only in black and white. I refused to see anything beyond what I felt was right. It's not that I was totally wrong but wasn't 100% correct.
This is my relationship with my mom.. I loved her and she loved me and still I had a wall built around me which I would not allow her to enter. A drop of tear in her eye and I would feel the pain more than anyone else and still I maintained my distance.
Why did I do this to her?
She was very strict and would scold me many times when I was growing up. Sometimes it would be for my mistakes but many times it would be because someone else has done wrong to her. I never understood she too was small and didn't know how to handle her frustrations (She had an early marriage and I was born when she was just 18). Unknowingly I became her punching bag. To add fuel there were relatives who would casually pass comments on how my mom want to control me and is partial towards my younger sibling.. This made a permanent home in my heart and mind.
What I failed to see?
She stood up for me when I had to be sent to school, during my graduation and post graduation.She was firm that she will educate me and not get me married unless I become independent. She supported me when I decided to adopt. Along with this there are many small small daily things she did for me which I royally forgot.
She confessed and ask for forgiveness from me after I grew up for being strict and venting her frustration on me but by then I was in no mood to let it go off.. I held the grudge too close. This led to ruining my life, my family and my relationship with her.
Until one day my daughter all 4 years walks up to me and hugs and says if I can forgive why can't you. This was a turning point and my healing process started. Once I decided to heal, Universe poured all ways of healing from all sides for me. A chance call from a friend for past life regression just because she wanted company and then the book "The Magic".
All this helped me see the real relationship I shared with my mother. I healed myself and our relationship. Today it's complete and nourishing.
Lessons learnt from this was never allow anyone else to judge your relationship or pass a comment even casually on it. They don't know all aspects of it.
Keep transparency and communication in all relationships. Holding anger and resentment only does harm not only to the relationship against which you are holding but to all the other relationships too.
My mother taught me never to give up, keep learning, give your best in everything you do.
Thank you Mummy and I love you.
